Saturday, August 31, 2013

You've got to be Kidding!

   Today was Sandy's 39th birthday. Holy cow, we are getting old; we are actually adults with children- even teenage children.  I remember being a teenage kid; I'm not quite sure I'm responsible enough to have a teenage kid.  I still like to car dance and all.

    On that note, I've taken to using night cream- you know the thick kind that is suppose to tighten everything and make you look eighteen again.  Now, I never want to be eighteen again- that was sheer terror; I would just like my skin to stay nice and tight.  If the "night cream" works, I plan to buy a vat and swim in it- I figure that it'll be simpler than dieting.

    Sandy's birthday has me pondering both of our childhoods. Do you ever ponder you childhood?  Reflect back, on a memory and think what in the heck were my parents thinking?!? Even more terrifying, do you ever think back and wonder what your own children are going to remember about their childhood.  (Yeah, that definitely terrifies me.)  

    For fun tonight, I thought I'd share seven things from childhood that have left me wondering....what in the world?!?

     1.  Candy cigarettes-  A reward for a job well done. 

     2.  Family night watching "Friday the 13th" or "Halloween".

     3.  Singing robustly, "99 bottles of Beer on the Wall".

     4.  Riding in the back of my grandparents El Comino- on the FREEWAY.  Terrifying.

     5.  My sister and I being chased by a huge red cow; while my grandpa shouts, "Stand still".  Ummm.....

     6.  The "Joy Bus"-  strangers in a colorful old school bus will pick-up your children and bring them back in a few hours???? 

     7.  The mullet for girls....

    My kids' list will probably look a little different.  My guess is something like this:

     1.  I was twelve before my mom let me cross the street alone.

     2.  I was the only sixth grader at the beach that still had to wear a life jacket.

     3.   My mom played Cher really loud and danced in the car on the way to school.

     4.  Home haircuts.

     5.  No white bread- "the whiter the bread, the sooner your dead".

     6.  Chinese fire drills.

     7.  Safety Nut-  Stranger Danger, no latex balloons, etc..

    No matter the generation, I think our family will always keep the psychiatrists well paid. :)





Thursday, August 29, 2013

Parenting Gig

     So, for the last 16 and a half years I've had this parenting gig.  We started small and soon tripled our numbers.  What I wasn't prepared for, well besides the pooh, was the hilariousness and the humbling nature of it all.

    I started well; doing my best to nurture, teach, equip, show compassion, and provide opportunities for my children.  One day I woke up and realized somewhere along the lines I had failed miserably.

First case in point:
Beautiful girl ready for her first day of work.

(On a side note, I think all Dariy Queen managers should be given six figure salaries, a porshe, and a puppy for the patience, love & opportunity they provide for our kids.)

Noelle's job Day 1

     Shannon:  How was your first day?

     Noelle:  Terribly hard.  Seriously.  Making ice cream is hard.

     Shannon:  Humm..What's hard about making ice cream?

    Noelle:   I was learning to make a blizard and they tell you to watch out so you don't catch your finger in the mixer.  They also told me that it is extremely rare for someone to catch their finger on the mixer. 

   Shannon:  Did you catch your finger?

   Noelle: hurts.  Bad.

Second case in point:

     Recently my son got to go to  camp. Upon arriving home, he declared that camp was AWESOME.  I gave myself a mental high five, for investing in his spiritual growth and relationship building skills. 

    Things were all well and good until a few days later when a friend mentioned that the boys were mischievous at camp.  Well...that's normal right?  Right?

    Of course I decide I must pursue exactly what "mischievous" means, so I had myself a little talk with the boy.  You know the "talk".  Here's a snippet:

    Shannon:  "Son, let's talk about camp."

    Christian:  "It was great."  "Can I play your Ipad?"  "Can Colton spend the night?"

    Shannon:  "What did you do at camp that was mischievous?"

    Christian:  "Ummm...the guys in my cabin?"

     Shannon:  Yes.

     Christian: "Well, mom.  Just hear me out.  It was funny."

     Shannon:  "Explain.'  "Trust me, you should not leave any details out."

     Christian:  "Well, the guys and I went to chapel and learned about Jesus being whipped, so that gave us an idea."

    Shannon:  (Internal dread begins here) "Go on."

    Christian:  "Well, we thought, if we link all our camp bracelets together we can make a whip. Then, we can whip each other."

   Shannon:  "Seriously?"

   Christian:  "Yeah, and then we formed a club and to join it you had to be whipped."  "It was fun."  "The club was totally voluntary."  "I got whipped the hardest."  'It was so cool." 

   Shannon:  "Christian, let me understand this.  You went to chapel, learned about the Lord being whipped; then thought to yourself, lets make whips and whip ourselves?"  "Then you and your friends invited others to join a club and took turns whipping each other with your camp bracelets?"

   Christian:  "Yeah, it was so awesome."

   See this proves it.  We have failed miserably. Miserably.

   On  the upside, I was talking to a ninety year old gentleman in our community who, for the first time ever, thinks he needs to find someone to shovel his driveway this winter.  I'm thinking I know just the boy who would love to do it, for free, all stinking winter long. 

Blessings to you and yours. :)